Box of Emotions

Box of Emotions

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I got another care package! I have received some from family and I appreciate all the time, money and thought put into it. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I then received TWO from friends on the same day! One from all my yogis back home and the other from... pretty much everyone in Cedar City! Thank you Danny for organizing it all!

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When I got the packages in my room I was jumping out of my skin. SO excited I barely could contain myself. I was shaking with anticipation to see what was inside. I wanted to be selfish and open it alone, I go in my room, close the door and fight that tape to open it up. It had everything I needed. Gifts, letters and tons of love. I was overwhelmed. I was happy to hear from everyone, see all the names on the cards, read letters of updates from people's lives, receiving the love and support from everyone I just could not believe it. So many people back home in my little city are there routing for me and cheering me on. I started to tear up I felt so loved. I teared up then within just a few seconds I started to cry. I cried and cried and the crying then turned into bawling. It made me very very homesick.
I have missed home a few times since I moved, little moments here and there but nothing to make me cry, let alone sob! These packages made me miss my friends, my family, my yogis, my jobS, my coworkers, my classes. Then it turned into missing my house, my car, the food, my gym, my routine. I thought about all the opportunity to go do things like a simple movie or having a drink with friends, seeing live music, going for ice cream, taking a random road trip, just to name a FEW. I cried for everything and anything that popped into my head about home. I missed my old life.
I probably cried for over twenty minutes straight, which is actually a long time to just sit and cry. I was a mess. I did not write in my journal, I did not call anyone, I just sat there. I let the emotion pass through me and afterwards I felt better. It was needed.
Having all those feelings pour out of me was refreshing and it did not changed my mind in the slightest of wanting to be here. It helped me realize I know all the things that really matter will still be there in two years when I return. I was able to see I am only taking a break from my old life and making a new one.
Yes, I am not able to just jump in the car and go to a yoga class or drive to see an old friend but I can walk down the street and sit on a gorgeous beach and meet up with some new friends. I can not go to my old job and see all my regular costumers/co workers but I am able to go to my new job. I get to go to a school and help make a difference. I will find things here that will make it worth putting my life on hold. It is only two years.
This was not to discourage ANYONE from sending me anything. I LOVE LOVE LOVE and need the support! It was good to be reminded of what I love back home, it was good to know what I miss. It was also good to realize this is where I want to be. This is where I need to be and I swear to all of you I will make you proud.